andy_noir

Just in time for the end of the world, this supposed Archive finally gets organized!

To read any of my:
 

Short Stories go here.

Reviews go here.

 

And in case anyone is really masochistic, my poetry:

Belief

Microcuentos

true love

Not Enough

One Word Poem

Unrequited Love

This is my first post of 2012!

I've been so busy over the last three weeks!

I turned 27.  I moved to the Rutgers dorms to start Grad school as I will now be attending the Library School program.

Had to start working at a new location as well.

All in all in my opinion a great start to a new year as I'm starting a new chapter in my life.

In general I'm just trying really hard to be happy although I think that compared to years ago I'm already ridiculously happy.

I spent a long night of insomnia reading all of my previous posts and it was strange and surreal.  Here were my patterns of speaking and my sense of humor saying things I never thought possible.  I am so much happier with my life now that it's hard for me to even imagine feeling so terrible.  I guess this is what we call progress.

Well, I've got to go, got lots of reading to do!

...or at least avoid making YOURSELF even more unhappy.

I have only one rule:

ASK FOR IT.

Yes, that's it.  If you want me to expand upon it, here goes: Figure out what you want.  Take whatever steps you can to achieve this.  If the power for you getting this is in someone else's hand: ask for it.  That's it, it really doesn't get much more complicated than this.

I find that people (specially women) make life much more complicated than it needs to be by not asking for what they want.

Obviously, you can't always get what you want, I mean I could go into Wells Fargo tomorrow and ask for 1 Billion dollars; they will say "no."  At which point I will have to accept it and go out and get a job.

This is more geared towards personal relationships and by personal relationship I mean any human individual that you talk to.  It can be an acquaintance, friend, "partner" or family member.

For example, if said acquaintance calls you a cute nickname which you hate and you hate it so much so that you spend any amount of time whatsoever complaining about it, I recommend that you go up to this acquaintance and say, "Hey, I like talking to you, but I don't like it when you call me "nickname" if you could please just call me Carmen, I'd really appreciate it."

Do you know what your acquaintance will say?  They will say, "no prob" and call you by your name, unless they're an asshole at which point you can STOP TALKING TO THEM, 'cause you don't need assholes in your life.

You can pretty much apply this to anything.

I just feel that people sometimes spend way too much time agonizing over things that are completely in their control, because of fear of coming of negative.  However, I guarantee that if you ask politely more often that not people are happy to give you what you want, after all remember these are people that like, love and/or care about you otherwise they wouldn't want to talk to you.  They want you to be happy and if it's in their power to do so, they will do their best to make it so.

You lose nothing by asking.

So please, everyone think of something you are currently wasting way too much energy and breath obsessing over, go up to that person and speak your mind, politely!  Remember: you get more bees with honey than vinegar.

Because this is what my boss and I talk about at work, we came up with a collective noun for dominatrices, it is: a pain*.

As in "A pain of dominatrices is coming through town, everyone assume your submissive pose!"

Assignment: 

Write a sentence using "pain of dominatrices" correctly.

So, I was trying to blog every  single day.  Then, I was so busy with work and just exhausted and depressed (by work) that I decided to quit writing, blogging, etc. all together.

I was going to post a blog too about it and all my reasons, except I was too busy and depressed to actually post anything.

Then I went a little crazy (because of work) and quit.

Yes, I quit my job that was paying all my bills.  I still have my part time at the bookstore, so I'm not starving and thankfully I've been responsible with my money so I won't be homeless just yet, but I am sort of desperately looking for work.

By the way, anyone need a secretary, administrative assistant, personal assistant, etc. I'm available.

I learned a few things from working at that crazy job, I was not made to be chained to a phone for 10 hours a day.  The job was at a call center for a cable company and I was just sitting at the same chair for 10 hours a day, I started at 1pm and got out at 11:30 pm, from Friday until Monday.

Anyone that knows me, knows I am super hyper, I love to move around, talk, smile...  all that energy that I usually just drag around driving people insane by how fast I talk and how much in a hurry I am to get to the next thing...fizzled.  I had no where to put it and I think it all went to driving me a little insane.

I've been struggling with depression for most of a decade now, if not more, and I gotta say I've never gotten so bad, so quickly, it was like I skipped several phases that I usually go through.

Either way, I quit.

And now, I'm worried and a little frantic to find a job ASAP, but not depressed.

I miss being a secretary with all of the little different things to do throughout the day, and I love working at the bookstore, so looking for similar work.

Either way, I've started writing again, sort of.

I am re-writing my NaNoWriMo novel from 2 years ago that I had been working on last year before I quit it to go back to school.  It's going well so far, except that it's almost a completely different novel, but I think it'll be better for the changes I've made.

The worst thing about tomorrows are all the Maybes that are attached.  A constant wish of mine is that I could fast forward through all the boring bits of life to the important days like in a book or movie. 

It's my natural impatience kicking in, but I can't stand to think about all the Maybes out there.  The future is so uncertain you never know which leg of the Trousers of Time you're stumbling down...

If only I knew what tomorrow held, if it weren't Maybe, but definitely, then life could be a bit more bearable.

So, the theme for May blogging is Maybe.

Which I think is perfect for me, because:

Maybe I'll actually blog every day.
Maybe I'll even work on one of my four current stories.
Maybe I'll remember to water my new plant.
Maybe I'll get around to food shopping.
Maybe I'll put away my newly laundered clothes.

and Maybe pigs'll fly.

With rent prices the way they are?  Yes!  I'll just draw up a roomate's contract with the ghost - you only haunt at night and I'll make sure not to leave holy water (or salt) laying around!

So much for NaBloPoMo, skipped a day, although in my defense, I was terribly sick.

Best thing about living alone...no need to share the bathroom.

Still haven't gotten my plant, although I was at home depot and meant to, but I was distracted by paint.  I've painted my bedroom wall pink... a deep pink, I must post pictures once I've finished decorating it.  I think it will look quite good.

The thing about being sick is that there isn't much to do but think...I mostly thought about how much pain I was in, but in between the whining I happened to think about the past.

It's crazy how time changes the way you look at situations.  Things that were unthinkable years ago seem acceptable.  Decisions made then, now seem premature.

And even with all the mistakes and pain, it all seems worth it because those situations gave birth to the person you are today and damm it if I'm not awesome.